A is for Attention

My child with special needs is sitting next to me begging for me to look at her and give her the time of day. A bit ironic as I write this post about Attention.  Here is my child with special needs and no verbal words of her own begging me to give her my full attention. She has wheeled her wheelchair as close to me as she can. She keeps reaching up to my face, pulling it to look at her. I kiss her and try to send her to her play table next to me.
She doesn't fall for it.
She knows I'm trying to do something else. All kids know when you don't want to be with them in the moment. That's when they are so in your business.
But, it's pretty early. She has woken up on "my morning time," so I don't feel obliged to give her my 100% at this moment. I think 50-60% is fair.
She does not like this idea. 
Sometimes I battle this want of hers and try my darnedest to hide my smartphone behind her Ipad as she plays Peak-a-boo Barn for the 100th time. But she knows when I am not paying full attention. She starts to squirm, sometimes fuss, sometimes hit. That's her only way of expressing her disappointment with me and again I feel guilty. Then I remember the big picture and know that catching up on Facebook is so not important and she wins my attention.
And funny, but life gets easier when I don't fight sharing my attention.